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What Girls say, and what they really mean
They say: Can't we just be friends?
They mean: There is no way in hell I am ever gonna let any part of your body touch mine again
They say: I just need some space
They mean: Yea, space without you in it
They say: Can you help me with my homework?
They mean: If I keep whining the fool will do it for me
They say: Do I look fat in this dress?
They mean: We haven't had a fight in awhile
They say: No, pizza's fine
They mean: Cheap bastard
They say: I just don't want a BF right now
They mean: I just don't want you as a BF
They say: I dunno; what do you wanna do?
They mean: I can't believe you don't have anything planned
They say: Come here
They mean: My puppy does this too
They say: I like you but...
They mean: I just don't like you
They say: You never listen
They mean: You never listen!
They say: We're moving too quickly
They mean: I won't sleep with you til I find out if this guy in Bio has a GF or not
They say: I'll be ready in a minute
They mean: I AM ready, but I'm gonna make you wait cuz I know you will
They say: Oh no, I'll pay for myself
They mean: I'm just being nice; there's no way I'm going Dutch
They say: Oh yes! Right there!
They mean: Well, near there; I just wanna get this over with
They say: I'm just goin out with the girls
They mean: We're gonna go out and make fun of you and your friends
They say: There's no one else
They mean: I'm doing your brother
They say: Size doesn't count...
They mean: Unless I want an orgasm
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What Guys say, and what they mean
They say: It's just orange juice, try it
They mean: 3 more shots, and she'll have her legs around my head
They say: She's kinda cute
They mean: I wanna bang her til I'm blue
They say: I dunno if I like her
They mean: She won't blow me
They say: I need you
They mean: My hand is tired
They say: I had her
They mean: I had wet dreams about her all week
They say: I really wanna get to know you better
They mean: So we can do what I tell my friends we do already
They say: How do I compare with all your other BFs?They mean: Is my penis really that small?
They say: You're the only girl I've ever cared about
They mean: You're the only girl that hasn't rejected me
They say: I want you back
They mean: ...for tonight anyway
They say: We've been through so much together
They mean: If not for you, I never would've lost my virginity
They say: I miss you so much
They mean: I'm so horny that my roommate is starting to look good
They say: No, I don't wanna dance right now
They mean: Shoot! She'll know that I have a hard-on!
They say: The break-up should not start for another few hours~
They mean: I wanna have sex a few more times
They say: I'm different from all the other guys
They mean: I'm not circumcised
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Rejected Dr. Seuss Books
1. The Cat in the Blender
2. Herbert the Pervert Likes Sherbert
3. Fox in Detox
4. Who Shat in the Hat?
5. Horton Hires a Ho
6. The Flesh-Eating Lorax
7. How the Grinch Stole Columbus Day
8. Your Colon Can Moo---Can You?
9. Zippy the Rabid Gerbil
10. One Bitch, Two Bitch, Dead Bitch, Blue Bitch
11. Marvin K. Mooney, Get the Fuck Out!
12. Are You My Proctologist?
13. Yentl the Lentil
14. My Pocket Rocket Needs A Socket
15. Aunts in My Pants
16. Oh, the Places You'll Scratch and Sniff!
17. Horton Fakes an Orgasm
18. The Grinch's Ten Inches
19. Green Cheese & Spam
20. Who Flung Goo on Betty Sue?
21. Come On I Wanna Lay Ya
22. Russell the One-Eyed Love Muscle
23. Feel It, Find It, Pick It, Flick It
24. Please Cane Us in the Anus
25. Blow Blow Til You See it Grow
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100 Reasons why guys are better than girls!
1. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds
2. Movie nudity is virtually all female.
3. You know stuff about tanks.
4. A five-day vacation only requires 1 suitcase.
5. Monday Night Football.
6. You don't have to monitor your friends sex lives.
7. Your bathroom lines are 80 percent shorter.
8. You can open all your own jars.
9. Old friends don't give a crap whether you've lost or gained weight.
10. Dry cleaners and hair cutters don't rob you blind.
11. When clicking through the channels, you don't have to stall at every shot of somebody crying.
12. Your ass is never a factor in job interviews.
13. All your orgasms are real.
14. A beer gut doesn't make you invisible to the opposite sex.
15. You can talk freely about the foulest things with your mates... and laugh!
16. You don't have to lug a bag full of useful stuff everywhere you go.
17. You understand why Stripes is funny.
18. You can go to the bathroom without a support group.
19. Your last name stays put.
20. You can leave the hotel bed unmade.
21. When your work is criticized, you don't have to panic that everyone secretly hates you.
22. You can kill your own food.
23. The garage is all yours.
24. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
25. You see the humor in Terms of Endearment.
26. Nobody secretly wonders if you swallow.
27. You never have to clean a toilet.
28. You can be showered and ready to go in 10 minutes.
29. Sex means never worrying about your reputation.
30. Wedding plans take care of themselves.
31. If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend.
32. Your underwear is for a three-pack.
33. The National College Cheerleading Championship.
34. You don't have to shave below your neck.
35. None of your coworkers has the power to make you cry.
36. You don't have to curl up next to a hairy ass every night.
37. If you're 34 and single, nobody even notices.
38. You can write your name in the snow.
39. You can get into a nontrivial pissing contest.
40. Everything on your face gets to stay its original color.
41. Chocolate is just another snack.
42. You can be President. (In this lifetime.)
43. You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger's seat.
44. Flowers fix damn near everything.
45. You never have to worry about other people's feelings.
46. You get to think about sex 90 percent of your waking hours.
47. You can wear a white shirt to a water park.
48. Three pairs of shoes is more than enough.
49. You can eat a banana in a hardware store.
50. You can say anything ("Wow, do my balls hurt!") and not worry about what people will think.
51. Foreplay is optional.
52. Michael Bolton doesn't live in your universe.
53. Nobody stops telling a good dirty joke when you walk into the room.
54. You can whip your shirt off on a hot day.
55. You don't have to clean your house if the meter reader's coming by.
56. You never feel compelled to stop a pal from getting laid.
57. Car mechanics tell you the truth.
58. You don't give a rat's ass if anyone notices your new haircut.
59. You can quietly watch a game with your buddy for hours without ever thinking, 'He must be mad at me'.
60. The world is your urinal.
61. You never misconstrue innocuous statements to mean your lover's about to leave you.
62. You get to jump up and slap stuff.
63. Hot wax never comes near your pubic area.
64. One mood, all the time!
65. You can admire Clint Eastwood without starving yourself to look like him.
66. You never have to drive on to another service station because this ones 'just too yucky'.
67. You know at least 20 ways to open a beer bottle.
68. You can sit with your knees apart no matter what you're wearing.
69. Same work.... more pay!
70. Gray hair and wrinkles only add character.
71. You don't have to leave the room to make an emergency crotch adjustment.
72. Wedding dress: ,000; tuxedo rental; .
73. You don't care if someone's talking about you behind your back.
74. With 400 million sperm per shot, you could double the Earth's population in 15 tries, at least in theory.
75. You don't mooch off others' desserts.
76. If you retain water, it's in a canteen.
77. The remote control is yours and yours alone.
78. People never glance at your chest when you're talking to them.
79. ESPN's SportsCenter
80. You can drop by to see a friend without bringing a little gift.
81. Bachelor parties whomp ass over bridal showers.
82. You have a normal and healthy relationship with your mother.
83. You can buy condoms without the shopkeeper imagining you naked.
84. You needn't pretend you're "freshening up" to go to the bathroom.
85. If you don't call your buddy when you say you will, he won't tell your other friend you've changed.
86. Someday you'll be a dirty old man.
87. You can rationalize any behavior with the handy phrase, "Sod it".
88. If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you just might become lifelong buddies.
89. Princess Di's death was just another obituary.
90. The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
91. You never have to miss a sexual opportunity because you're not in the mood.
92. you think the idea of punting a small dog is funny.
93. If something mechanical doesn't work, you can bash it with a hammer or throw it across the room.
94. New shoes don't blister, cut or mangle your feet.
95. Porn movies are designed with your mind in mind.
96. You don't have to remember everyone's birthdays and anniversaries.
97. Not liking a person doesn't preclude having great sex with them.
98. Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with: "So...notice anything different?"
99. Baywatch
100. There's always a game on somewhere.
AND NOW THE DOWN SIDE:
1. You have to take out the garbage.
2. The Ferrari 550 Maranello lists for over ,000.
3. No sofas in your restrooms.
4. External genitalia are vulnerable to knees and fastballs.
5. Even if you get your head caught in an industrial woodchipper, you're not allowed to cry.
6. James Bond movies only come out every two years.
7. Ribbed for her pleasure, not yours.
8. You have to wear ties.
9. You can't flirt your way out of a jam.
10. "Women and children first"
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