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A Letter From Mom
Dear Son,
I'm writing this slow 'cause I know you can't read
fast. We don't live where we did when you first
left. Your Dad read in the paper that most
accidents happen within 20 miles of home, so we
moved. I won't be able to send you the address as
the last family here took the numbers with them
for their next house, so they wouldn't have to
change their address. This place has a washing
machine. The first day I put four shirts in,
pulled the chain, and I haven't seen 'em since.
It only rained twice this week, three days the
first time and four days this time. The coat you
wanted me to send you, your Aunt Sue sid it would
be a little too heavy to send in the mail with the
heavy buttons, so we cut them off and put them in
the pockets. About your sister, she had a baby
this morning. I haven't found out whether it's a
girl or a boy, so I don't know if you are an Aunt
or and Uncle. Not much more news this time, write soon.
Love, Mom
P.S. Was going to send you money, but the
envelope was already sealed.
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Some Jokes
You might be a redneck if…
The people on Jerry Springer's show remind you of your neighbors
Your might be a redneck if…
You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.
You might be a redneck if…
Your huntin dawg had a litter of puppies in the living room and nobody noticed.
You know your a redneck if…
You have a bumper sticker that says, "MY MOTHER'S AN HONOR STUDENT AT SOUTH LITTLE ROCK JR. HIGH."
You might be a redneck if…
You consider your alarm clock radio your home entertainment system.
You might be a redneck if…
You mow your lawn and find your car
You know your a redneck if…
You consider your license plate personalized because your dad made it in prison.
You Might Be A Redneck If…
The blue book value of your truck goes up and down depending on how much gas it has in it.
You Might Be A Redneck If…
The third grade teacher says little Bubba could be a mathematical genius because he's got thirteen fingers.
You Might Be A Redneck If…
Fifth grade was the best six years of your life.
You Might Be A Redneck If…
One of your kids was born on a pool table.
You Might Be A Redneck If…
Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.
You Might Be A Redneck If…
Someone asks to see your ID and you show them your belt buckle.
You Might Be A Redneck If…
You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos.
You Might Be A Redneck If…
The Halloween pumpkin on your front porch has more teeth than your wife.
You Might Be A Redneck If…
On your first date you had to ask your Dad to borrow the keys to the tractor.
You Might Be A Redneck If…
If you refer to the fifth grade as, "your senior year".
You Might Be A Redneck If…
You've ever climbed a water tower with a bucket of paint to defend your sister's honor.
You Might Be A Redneck If…
Ya can't get married to yer sweetheart cause there is a law against it.
You Might Be A Redneck If…
You've been on TV more than 5 times describing the sound of a tornado.
You Might Be A Redneck If…
The beer can collection in the town museum is the big tourist attraction.
You Might Be A Redneck If…
You dated your daddy's current wife in high school.
You Might Be A Redneck If…
Your aunt and your grandmother went to the funeral and had a fight over who gets to be the widow.
You Might Be A Redneck If…
You think the stock market has fence around it.
You Might Be A Redneck If…
You own a homemade fur coat.
You Might Be A Redneck If…
You refer to the time you won a free case of motor oil as “The day my ship came in."
You Might Be A Redneck If…
The FBI surrounded your trailer park twice so far this year.
You Might Be A Redneck If…
You think a woman who is "out of your league" bowls on a different night.
You Might Be A Redneck If…
When you take a load to the dump and bring back more than you took
You Might Be A Redneck If…
Your parents met at a family reunion.
You Might Be A Redneck If…
You believe that beef jerky and Moon Pies are two of the major food groups.
You Might Be A Redneck If…
You stare at an orange juice container because it says, "CONCENTRATE".
You Might Be A Redneck If…
You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean.
You Might Be A Redneck If…
Your wife's job requires her to wear an orange vest.
You Might Be A Redneck If…
On Thanksgiving Day you have to decide which pet to eat.
You Might Be A Redneck If…
Your school fight song is "Dueling Banjos".
You Might Be A Redneck If…
You hammer bottle caps into the frame of your front door to make it look nice.
You Might Be A Redneck If…
You've ever been involved in a custody fight over a hunting dog.
You Might Be A Redneck If…
You think a turtleneck is a key ingredient for soup.
You Might Be A Redneck If…
A ceiling fan once ruined your wife’s hairdo.
You Might Be A Redneck If…
There is a stuffed possum mounted in your home.
You Might Be A Redneck If…
You pick your teeth from a catalog.
You Might Be A Redneck If…
Your wife has ever said, "Come move this transmission so I can take a bath."
You Might Be A Redneck If…
Your house has wheels and your car doesn't.
You Might Be A Redneck If…
If you think the last three words of the
national anthem is 'start your engines.'
You Might Be A Redneck If…
Your family is half your town's population!
You might be a redneck if...
Your Junior/Senior Prom had daycare.
What do you get when you have 32 Rednecks in the same room?
A full set of teeth.
In the back woods of West Virginia, the redneck's wife went into labor in the middle of the night, and the doctor was called assist in the delivery.
Since there was no electricity, the doctor handed the father-to be a lantern and said, "Here, you hold this high so I can see what I'm doing."
Soon, a baby boy was brought into the world.
"Whoa there," said the doctor. "Don't be in a rush to put the lantern down... I think there's yet another one to come." Sure enough, within minutes he had delivered a baby girl. "No, no, don't be in a great hurry to be putting down that lantern... It
seems there's yet another one in there!" cried the doctor. The Redneck scratched his head in bewilderment, and asked the doctor, "Do
you think it's the light that's attractin' 'em?"
Did you hear about the new 3 Million Dollar Redneck State Lottery?
The winner gets 3 dollars a year for a million years.
A redneck buys a ticket and wins the lottery. He goes to Austin to claim it and the man verifies his ticket number. The redneck says, "I want my
million." The man replied, "No, sir. It doesn't work that way. We give you a million
today and then you'll get the rest spread out for the next 19 years." The redneck said, "Oh, no. I want all my money right now! I won it and I
want it." Again, the man explain that he would only get a million that day and the
rest during the next 19 years. The redneck, furious with the man, screams out, "Look, I want my money! If you're not going to give me my million right now, then I want my dollar
back!"
A young ventriloquist is touring the Southwest and stops to entertain in an Arkansas bar. He's going through his usual stupid redneck jokes, when a big
burly guy in the audience stands up and says threateningly, "I've heard just about enough of your smart mouth hillbilly jokes - we ain't all stupid here in Arkansas!" Flustered, the ventriloquist begins to apologize, when the big guy
interrupts him and says, "You stay out of this mister-- I'm talking to the smart mouth little fella on your knee!"
Do you know why flies have wings?
So they can beat the hillbillies to the
watermelon.
What do a hurricane, a tornado, and a redneck
divorce all have in common??
Someone's fixin to lose a trailer home...
What's the last thing you usually hear before a
redneck dies?
'Hey y'all... Watch this!'
You Might be a redneck if...
The U.F.O. Hotline limits you to 1 call a day.
How To Pick Up A Chick In Arkansas
Hey Baby! Nice tooth.
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